Movie Progress, Part 1

The plot of the movie is starting to form in my mind. It’s a bit crazy, I started this project with about 6 people who were going to be in the cast, but over the past few days, I’ve managed to recruit over half the team, and I’m nearing 30 people that I have to fit into this movie. I decided not to ask some of the newer people on the team, as the developer might not know them that well, and I also don’t know them that well, so it’s hard to think of a good role for them. What I’m really excited about is that I managed to recruit three Russians for my movie, and what’s a James Bond movie without any Russians? Well, to be honest, none of them are actually Russians, there’s two Ukrainians and an American, but hey all speak Russian fluently, so that’s close enough.

A tough task I have is that a few people on the team are happy to be a part of the movie, but are a bit camera shy, so they just want really small parts, like dying at the start of the movie. Which is a pity, because one of those people is a good friend of the departing developer, and I had a few lines that I wanted him to say. I wanted him to play a mentor-type figure in the movie, and say something like, “I’v been writing code since it was holes in a punch card, kiddo. You don’t want to see what I have seen.” Then have him die dramatically. Actually, given the number of people who want small parts in the movie, I think a lot of people are going to have to die early on.

Actually, another tough task will be fitting everyone into the movie. I spoke to our higher level boss, and he seems really keen to be in the movie, too. He even said that he wants to screen it at our next team meeting (which I won’t be able to attend, unfortunately, as I’ll be away on my honeymoon). Given the amount of money that a lot of people on my team get paid, including the Porridge Lady, I don’t want to waste their time watching a movie, so I want it to top out at 15 minutes at the most.

According to the James Bond film TV tropes page, a James Bond film usually follows the following formula:

  • The Bond Gun Barrel; a stylized gun barrel tracks Bond (usually wearing a tuxedo, in later films at least) across the screen from right to left until he reaches the centre of the screen, at which point he spins around and shoots at the camera. The gun barrel slowly shifts from full colour to a red filter that gradually covers the screen from the top downwards (as if the person holding the gun has been shot and is bleeding out), at which point we segue to:
  • An Action Prologue, often involving either Bond in action on a mission which usually has some connection, if tangential, to the main plot of the movie or something which establishes the main villain’s plot. Once that’s out the way and something’s blown up, we go to…
  • The Opening Credits, often highly stylized and abstract, set to a catchy theme song by a major recording artist. Frequent motifs involve guns, beautiful women writhing about in semi-undress, playing cards and martinis, something thematically linked to the villain’s plot or theme (lots of gold for Goldfinger or oil to reflect the villain’s oil-based plot in The World Is Not Enough, for example) and Bond himself.
  • A scene/series of scenes where Bond flirts with Moneypenny, receives his assignment from M, and receives his gadgets from Q.
  • Bond arrives in his first exotic location (often driving his current car), meets a contact, crosses paths with the Bond Girl (or one of them if there’s more than one), and begins to seek out the bad guy. He usually doesn’t do so very subtly, allowing the bad guy’s henchmen to pick up on him, which leads often to…
  • A fight with some henchmen. Bond may encounter The Dragon at this point.
  • Bond meets the ‘main’ Bond Girl. If they’ve already met, or if there’s more than one, this is when it’s made clear who Bond is going to end up with at the end of the movie.
  • The bad guy may become aware of Bond’s presence around this point if he’s not already. They meet and exchange veiled threats, after which…
  • Bond’s contact is killed, and / or Bond and the Bond Girl are attacked or captured. They may be put in some kind of ‘inescapable’ Death Trap. If so, they escape, which in turn leads to…
  • A Chase Scene in an exotic location. This often shows off Bond’s flashy car in some way. Once Bond has shaken / killed his pursuers, he now has to…
  • Find and infiltrate the villain’s headquarters, often a Supervillain Lair of some description, in another exotic location. This generally leads to a battle with the bad guy’s forces; Bond will kill plenty of Mooks, but he and the Bond Girl will be captured, leading to…
  • A confrontation with the bad guy, during which the bad guy will reveal the plot. After which, Bond is put into another ‘inescapable’ Death Trap and left to his ‘assured’ doom by the bad guy. Naturally…
  • Bond escapes, rescues the Bond Girl, and begins to sabotage the bad guy’s base with her help, leading to…
  • The Final Battle. Reinforcements may be called in, but it will almost certainly end with Bond confronting the bad guy face to face. Spoilers: the bad guy ends up dead, at which point…
  • The bad guy’s lair blows up. Bond and the Bond Girl just make it out, usually with the help of The Cavalry. If s/he hasn’t already been dealt with, Bond dispatches The Dragon around this point. Finally…
  • Bond and the Bond Girl have a final romantic moment (Oh, James…).
  • End Credits. Usually set to the same pop song as the main credits. If it’s different, then it’ll be another catchy song but one which is often slower and more mellow than the main theme. By the end of the credits, we will usually be reassured that James Bond Will Return.

So lacking any other ideas, the tentative title for this movie is GoldenIDE, a play on the movie title Goldeneye, and a similar concept to the golden gun from the N64 Goldeneye game (which had the power to kill with one shot, no matter where you hit – I assume the gun was inspired by the movie The Man with the Golden Gun, though in the movie, he just had a gun and bullets made of gold). An IDE (Integrated Development Environment) is a tool that some developers use to write code. It has lots of handy features that make code writing easier. So my rough idea is that during the cold war, a “golden IDE” was developed, that has some crazy property. Maybe it writes code that always compiles, no matter what, or any code written by the golden IDE can infiltrate any system. That part isn’t clear yet, but the plot of the movie will involve the big bad guy getting his hand on the only remaining installation of the golden IDE. It’s up to James Bond to get it back. (Don’t ask why he can’t just copy the binary files onto another computer and run it, I’m hoping that one can be chalked up to willing suspension of disbelief. Although, knowing the people on my team, someone is going to nitpick it, so maybe I should address it.

Oh, so another tough aspect I’ll have to address. A lot of the people on my team are the kind of people who like to point out plot holes. I have gone around telling everyone that it’s going to be a bad movie, so I’m hoping they’re not going to go in thinking it’s going to be at the same level as complex Christopher Nolan movie. I’ll probably run the plot by MrFodder before I start filming though, as he also loves to point out plot holes. I’m still not sure what gadgets I’m going to get Q to give to James Bond, but at least I can work that out at the end after I have the whole story complete.

This is getting quite long, so I will outline the rough idea in tomorrow’s post!

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