Gun Barrel Opening
Going to have to work out how to do some video editing magic to get this part to work, if I can’t get the gun barrel, I will just have a pan up the person playing James Bond, until we settle on his face, which I plan to have a mask made from a cutout of a printout of the leaving developer’s face.
Austin Powers-style, going to open with the main bad guy blackmailing the world for money, otherwise he’ll unleash terror on the highly computerised world – taking out the stock market, banking, airports – basically the plot of Die Hard 4. The world leaders don’t know what to do, but they do know there’s one man for the job – James Bond.
Again, going to have to learn how to work some video editing magic. And maybe also learn to sing. But if I do go with my idea of using GoldenIDE, at least the song for the movie Goldeneye (YouTube link) almost sounds the same (I can just record myself yelling “DE” and badly work that into the song – actually, listening to the song, it kinda fits. Because as she sings Goldeneye, it goes doo-doo. I think I could just fit the D-E over the doo-doos). I don’t think this’ll be all that fancy, as I don’t really have five minutes to throw away for a song.
Moneypenny, M, Q
Bond is found drinking in a bar (shaken and stirred). He gets called into the office. He arrives, briefly flirts with Miss CryptoBitcoin (I dont’t know, this was the best I could come up with as a play on Moneypenny that had it somewhat geeky). Goes inside to talk to M, who tells him about the blackmail demand, and the background of the big bad guy (I need to come up with a silly Bond villain name for him). They’ve worked out that he’s linked to a casino (by enhancing an image of his eye where you can see a casino chip in the reflection), and the information leads them to believe there’s a high stakes game going on that he will be at. He goes to Q to get his gadgets
Exotic Location, Contact, Bond Girl
I’ll film a shot of the city from the view of our office, and claim it’s somewhere exotic. He will meet with his mentor-style person, who will be the first to tell him about the existence of the Golden IDE. But he gets poisoned. Introduce the Bond girl (need another stupid name for her), if it is Intern Daniel, we’ll wet him with water, and film him walking (he seems to think it’s easy for me to green screen him into some stock footage of a beach, I don’t know if that’s true). She catches Bond’s eye, and he tries to flirt with her, but she is dismissive.
No fight, instead I’m going to add my scene with the Russians (I’d like them huddled around a fire in a barrel, but I doubt I can find one in the CBD. One of them said he has one of those fluffy Russian hats though, which will be awesome), where they basically ask why they’re in the movie. One of them answers that it’s because it wouldn’t be a real Bond movie without Russians (breaking the fourth wall, I know, but there wasn’t enough room in the movie for Russian bad guys as well!). The third Russian says that’s stupid, and suggests they go and shoot puppies instead. The first replies that Putin took his gun. The second replies he has no money for bullets. The third suggests they go and drink vodka and the other two agree.
Bond Girl #2
Bond bumps into the Bond girl again, and she reveals she’s dating the Big Bad, and that he’ll be at the high stakes game. Bond later finds one of the players who will be in the game, and kills him so that he can take his spot. They play the epic game, the Bond girl has a change of heart and decides to support Bond. Tells Bond about the Big Bad’s tell. Bond doesn’t win. Big Bad reveals his plan with the IDE, because that’s what Bond villains do.
Haven’t worked this one out yet, but there will be some stupid death trap, and Bond will escape.
Lame car chase that serves no purpose.
James has to track down where the IDE might be, and he starts by trying to track down who might have had it. He starts by finding the original two developers of the IDE. They say that they made a huge mistake by making the golden IDE, and in fact, once they realised what they had unleashed on the world, they ended up writing stuxnet (using the golden IDE) in order to remove any possible installation of the golden IDE. Well, it seems like they missed one. They talk about a third developer who was the one who came up with the idea, and unofficially contributed code. He thought the world deserved to have the golden IDE, and when they disagreed, they parted ways. Then, as they’re about to reveal the name of the third developer, they die (maybe due to being poisoned).
James has to track down the third developer, and finds him, but there’s an obstacle in the way. The third developer has a bodyguard, Weird Chore, who kills people by throwing exceptions at them (I’m still a bit iffy about this one. While the other developers on the team will get a chuckle out of it, I don’t know how the non-technical people will respond. I guess they might notice the parallels to Odd Job and think that’s the joke). James defeats Weird Chore, and speaks to the third developer. He reveals that he kept his own copy of the source code for the golden IDE, He opens his safe to find the source code, only to see that it has already been cleaned out. Then he mysteriously dies due to poisoning as well (look, it’s a low budget movie, and having people keel over and die due to poison is a lot easier than pretending they were shot or stabbed).
That’s all I’ve got so far, still need to work in a heap of people.