1 UP

I made joking comment to a co-worker (who I’ll temporarily name Fred), and he responded, “She’s really inappropriate, isn’t she?” to which someone else replied, “Yeah, it’s surprising.” I didn’t think much of it at the time and forgot about it.

When he came in to work the next morning, I remembered the comment, so I went up to him to apologise, and ask if I made him uncomfortable. He said, “Darlin’, I ______________, there’s nothing you can say or do to make me feel uncomfortable.” To which I countered, “I play online games for fun, there’s nothing you can say or do to make me feel uncomfortable.” And thus began the challenge.

I didn’t actually do anything for a while, since my primary focus has been on making my next movie, but when I was out getting lunch, I passed Fred and waved hello. I thought he saw me, but he kept walking, only to turn around and say, “Hi, Anna,” but it was that awkward we’ve-walked-past-each-other-it’s-too-far-to-turn-around stage.

After I grabbed my lunch, Fred came up to my desk and said, “Did I make you feel uncomfortable?” Completely ridiculous accusation, no way that made me uncomfortable, so I said no. He asked how I planned to win this contest, and I said I was going to talk about periods and childbirth in great detail. He said there was no way that would even get close to making him uncomfortable, and asked if I was even trying. I said I wanted to play, but didn’t want to get fired.


He did something that I’m not going to say, because I don’t want to get either of us into trouble, but let’s just say that eyebrows were raised. It didn’t make me uncomfortable, but it’s probably something that would be pretty tough to explain to HR. And he did it in front of others as well.

That’s when I realised, I was here polishing my longbow, and he was preparing nuclear launch codes. While I didn’t want to lose, MrFodder said I should be the bigger person and lose, before both of us get fired. Pharmacist said that you can’t play Russian roulette with The Joker.

Even though I didn’t want to give up, MrFodder was right, and I should be the bigger person, so I decided to concede in the morning.

Me [9:15 AM]:
you win
Fred [9:15 AM]:
What do i win?
Me [9:15 AM]:
the uncomfortableness competition
Fred [9:15 AM]:
haha really?
Me [9:15 AM]:
Fred [9:15 AM]:
Do i get nuggets?
Me [9:15 AM]:
what time do you normally eat?
I can buy you nuggets at 11 or 12:30 on tuesday, or at anytime on Wednesday
Fred [9:18 AM]:
i feel bad now
is this a trick?
Me [9:18 AM]:
no tricks
you win
Fred [9:18 AM]:
i dont feel like a winner
Me [9:18 AM]:
you will when you have your 6 nuggets in front of you
Fred [9:19 AM]:
the nuggets are for the watermark
Me [9:19 AM]:
nah, I accepted the challenge and I lost
Fred [9:19 AM]:
wait a min… this is making me slightly uncofortable…..
Me [9:20 AM]:
it’s not a trick, I will buy you nuggets next week
Fred [9:29 AM]:
i dont want your nuggets
Me [9:30 AM]:
hahaha, ok
leave the nuggets for the watermark
you can just have the title of “master uncomfortable maker”
Fred [9:31 AM]:
I already have a title
Me [9:32 AM]:
do you want anything?
Fred [9:34 AM]:
i want to know what made you give up? i thoguht you were ocmpettive and a creep?
Me [9:34 AM]:
I am
but I don’t want you to get fired
i’m not competitive
but I am a creep
I just like challenges
Fred [9:34 AM]:
has anyone said anything?
Me [9:34 AM]:
Fred [9:35 AM]:
we were beign a bit loud
Me [9:35 AM]:
Fred [9:35 AM]:
lets both get nuggest and call it a draw and say we made everyone uncomfortable :D

So I guess that’s the end of the challenge. Bomb successfully diffused, and I get nuggets out of it. Sadly, on the way to work, I realised how I could make him feel uncomfortable. I could print out a picture of him with love hearts all over it, start writing “Mrs Fred” all over my notebooks, and act like I have a huge crush on him. I’m not sure if that crosses the border of harassment though.

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